**We’ve all heard that old saying, “There is no such thing as a dumb question”.

I don’t buy it. Truth be told, I haven’t bought it since I was a kid. There really are dumb questions. The first time this realization hit me was when my father was scolding me for some infraction or other. I gave him an exquisitely beautiful explanation of why I had done what I had done, and he just looked at me and said: “Do I have STUPID written across my forehead?” I immediately realized, “dumb question”. On the one hand, if I’d thought he wouldn’t buy my wonderful story, I wouldn’t have told it. On the other hand, I wasn’t going to be stupid enough to say, “Well, yes. It’s right there just above your eyebrows, and oh, by the way, why do you have that one long eyebrow hair that wants to grow the wrong direction?”

Over the years, I’ve fielded a variety of dumb questions, mostly with a dignity which they did not deserve. One of my favorites was when I used to work in a retail store. People would come up to me frequently and ask, “Excuse me. Do you know where the bathroom is?” And I’d always tell them. What I really wanted to say was, “No. I’ve been holding it in for a year now. If you find it, please let me know.” Or better yet, “No. I just go out in the alley behind the dumpster”.

And of course, there are the cops. Cops have some of the best dumb questions. I was involved in an accident a couple of years ago when a lady ran a stop sign and broadsided me. So I’m sitting there in my truck, which is still in its proper lane, only facing the wrong direction, and the cop comes up:

Cop: “What happened here?”

Me: “I don’t know officer. I just got here myself, but it seems to me that this lady’s Buick tried to mate with my Ford, and things just got a little out of hand. You know how young cars are these days…”

What happened? Seriously? It’s not just a little bit obvious than an accident has occurred? I’d much rather him ask what he’s really thinking, “Just how the hell did you guys manage to do this?”

Or you’ve just been pulled over for speeding. What’s the first dumb question out of his mouth? “Do you know how fast you were going?” If you answered, “Well officer, I’m not sure, but since you managed to stop me, obviously it wasn’t fast enough”, go to the head of the class.

While cop questions can be dangerous, the one I fear most is from my spouse. Guys, you know THE ONE. “Honey, does this dress make me look fat?” Whoa. Dumb question. “Well Lord yes. Where did you get it, Omar the Tentmaker?” NOT. So, depending on the situation, you may or may not lie. She knows that. She knew it before she asked the question. SHE ALREADY KNOWS THE ANSWER. So why does she ask the question? I’ve been married 34 years and haven’t a clue.

But you know trouble is headed your way when someone comes up to you and says, “This may be a dumb question, but…”. Duck. Run. Seek shelter immediately! There are only two reasons people preface their question with this statement, and both of them are bad news for you. The first reason a person prefaces their question with this statement is that they ALREADY THINK THEY KNOW THE ANSWER AND YOU DON’T! They feel certain that you will just be astounded at their insight. “This may be a dumb question, but has anyone thought about charging money for the work we do?” Why no. That’s brilliant. Wherever do you come up with this stuff? Why come on in here right now, and let me put you in charge.

The second, and related, reason they preface their questions with this statement, is that they believe their brain operates on a much higher plane than yours, and if they don’t share their insights you will have no opportunity to glimpse into the higher cosmos. “This may be a dumb question, but have you ever thought what would happen if you won the lottery and the next day space invaders attacked the Earth?” You know what? They are right. My brain doesn’t operate on that level. I can honestly say, “Why no. I never thought of that”. In my case, my brain is so limited it can only grasp the first part of the question, “What would happen if you won the lottery…?” It gets bogged down for hours trying to figure out that one little thing, and just never seems to make the leap to aliens attacking the Earth. I guess it’s just a curse I’ll have to carry.

Seriously though, questions are how we learn. I don’t want you to stop asking them. Albert Einstein once said: “The important thing is not to stop questioning…Never lose a holy curiosity”. But you might want to put a little thought into it as well, and remember to keep in mind what Publius Syrus said around 100 BC, “It is not every question that deserves an answer”.

Anyway, I was thinking, and this may be a dumb question, but…OK. Never mind.